Answers...and hope in the one who is ever faithful!

So…I have been sick off and on for the last year, with unexplained exhaustion, fevers, and countless other problems. I have seen multiple doctors, had all manners of lab work, and heard continually the medical fluffy answer which equals “I don’t have a clue.” Growing up we heard that frequently about my mother, so I tried not to become discouraged.

At the same time we are dealing with ongoing infertility, and all that that entails. Yesterday I went to a new “hormone specialist” in hopes of uncovering an answer to my symptoms as well as the infertility. She was amazing and spent over an hour with me, delving into my health history, my odd symptoms, and family history as well.

To make a very long story as short as possible, I have been “diagnosed” with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia (and I quote that because it is a complicated disease to which there can be no definitive diagnosis at this time). It is an “answer” that brings all of my symptoms together like the pieces of a puzzle. It is not what I expected, and there is no real treatment or recovery. It is something I will simply have to learn to adjust my lifestyle to accommodate as the disease progresses.

As for seeking further fertility options in the desire to have a biological child, it is something Shem and I have decided is not wise. While we would be amazed at the miraculous work of God should he choose to bless us in that way and heal the infertility, sometimes things happen for a reason. We would rather protect my health as much as we possibly can so that I can be as healthy as possible for the children God brings into our lives, and so we will continue to actively pursue adoption.

This is a disease that I have watched ravish my mother over the last ten years, but it also went undiagnosed for many, many years. It is our hope that because we achieved an early diagnosis we will be able to adjust our lifestyle in a way that will accommodate my changing health. God is ever faithful and will give us the strength that we need to take this life he has blessed us with day by day, and step by step. Never forgetting that it is all for His glory!

What a week!!!!

It has been a very long week. My mom had surgery last Friday, so I spent the better part of the week in Huntsville. Somehow the first big discussion Shem and I had upon my return was the big B...BUDGET. Sigh. We have been trying to cut as many corners as possible in our efforts to save thousands of dollars for an adoption out of an already tight budget. It is much harder than I imagined, and I can budget like no ones business! We have pretty much streamlined everything we can to the penny. The only thing we can still cut is our rent...and so the hunt begins. Twenty apartments, and five hours of my afternoon later...I feel no closer to our goal. Luckily I have eleven weekends left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

What You're doing...

So God has been doing big stuff in my life and it has been pretty hard. Lots of stress, lots of tears, and a new found peace resting in Christ alone. Today was a bit crazy, my Mom had some pretty serious back surgery and needless to say its been a long day. I was on my way home tonight listening to the radio when Sanctus Real's song called "What Your Doing" came on. It is not abnormal for a song to be God's instrument of speech straight into my soul and that was the case tonight. As the tears streamed down my face my life was played out in music...


It's time for healing, time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

[Chorus]Whatever you're doing inside of me It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...

Time to face up Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Living through the two biggest storms in KY history...and the great ice and chili wipeout!

I find it very odd that this Alabama native has only lived here in Kentucky for under two years yet I have managed to be here for the two worst storms in Kentucky's history. Go figure. To top it off we have been "lucky" enough to loose everything in our fridge and freezer as a result of both storms...bah! September's hurricane was not too bad, our power was out for a little over 36 hours and it was warm, very warm. This storm, however, left us powerless for three and a half days and our house was cold enough to freeze your blood. Ok, so I exaggerate sometimes. Needless to say, this Southern girl did NOT enjoy it! I have never been so happy to see the sun melt ice off of trees in my entire life...of course that is also an experience you don't often have in sweet home Alabama.

Now for the funny part, depending on how you look at it :)...

This morning I took a huge crock pot full of chili to work for lunch. It was my dear sweet Terri Momma's bday, and as she did not yet have power a hot meal was hard to find. Our complex has neglected to shovel or salt the walkways and it is VERY slick. This is something we have been very carefully navigating since the storm hit on Tuesday.

Let me just give you a visual picture...WIPE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yeah...chili on my shirt, pants, tank top, jacket, and keys. It managed to make it into my purse as well as covered the outside and the handles...my cell phone and my keys.

I was 20 minutes late to work and I HATE that.

Plus I spilled cold water all into my cell tonight and now its dead :( poor sad me.

Welcome Home??????

We went home for the weekend and enjoyed the balmy mid 40's weather. I received the cutest pale yellow, lightweight, knee length trench coat while I was there. The warm sunshine convinced me to wear it home, and so I carefully packed my long wool coat. My husband warned me not to pack it as I might want it in chilly Louisville. Sometimes we should listen to our spouses...

His comment, "I think that is snow", made me chuckle to myself as I looked out at the snow covered roofs shortly after crossing the Kentucky state line. As we drove deeper into Kentucky the snow began pouring from the sky and the salt from the road actually kicked up into our air vents burning our eyes and causing tears to roll down our cheeks. After the salt truck threw up on us, and you could no longer see the lanes on the highway due to the accumulating snow, the small chuckle became much larger as the hilarity of the events settled into my mind.

I have hung up my sweet yellow coat for now, and returned to the long wool coat of practicality.

Nothing says Christmas like...

We are home (Huntsville, AL) this weekend for Christmas and I find myself basking in the comforts of the familiar. There are presents, meals on Christmas dishes, and hot now honeyballs. There are elf hats, ziplocs of separated stocking candy, and almost as many dogs as people.But nothing says Christmas like my first posted picture...

Yes dear friends it is what you think...their dear sweet Christmas tree, extra crispy style.

My Mother Dearest...

My mom has had serious health problems since I was seven. It has become a way of life as we have learned to trust God and simply role with the punches. The latest problem she has struggled with is her back. She is currently awaiting her second back surgery, apparently the surgeon that did her first surgery almost nine years ago did not do the job properly. It has been a slow deterioration until she is now bone on bone with several of her discs. Her pain has shot her blood pressure up so high that she is at risk for a second stroke. She has been put on continual morphine to control the pain until the surgeon can work her into his schedule. However, the morphine has made her less than coherant. She is "going" on vacations, thinks my brother and I are 4 and 6 instead of 24 and 26, hears voices, smells things and is in general very hard to understand. Please keep her in your prayers as we await this surgery.